Pain
by Germantownmaiden
Summary: It's been two years since Atem's left, everyone has moved on, all but her. Anzu Mazaki cannot love another person, because HE refuses to give up her heart.
1. You Make it Painful

Something I came up with in a matter of seconds. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer! I own nothing.

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><p>Pain<p>

Anzu Mazaki was sitting on her bed, crying and scolding herself. He was gone, that's all there was to it and she had to get over it. Her friends moved on, so quickly, it seemed. It wasn't fair, why was it them who could move one and not her? So what, she had a crush on him, and everyday in school she had seen a girls who were in shambles when their boyfriend dumped them, but in a few weeks, maybe months, they bounced back and sometimes managed to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends.

But for her . . . no, she was now a senior and she still cried over his leave, his absence from the group. It was as if someone had taken a knife and cut a whole into the center, removing the heart.

Atem had been their heart . . . and now he was gone.

It shouldn't be like this, but it was. Yugi didn't even talk about Atem anymore and Joey and Tristan seemed to forget him all together. The proof was when she actually had something to smile about, when he had given that boy the Heart of the Underdog card.

They asked why she was smiling and she explained it to them and they all seemed to . . . draw up blank faces, as though they had no idea what and who she was talking about. They asked her after a minute who she was talking about and Yugi finally seemed to snap out of the daze and tried to stop the idiots from saying those words that were like arrows, thousands of arrows, towards her heart.

None of them missed.

When they realized what she was talking about they tried to smooth it over but it was far too late. She had hardened her heart before any other arrows decided to fly at her heart. "Never mind." She had told them, sharp, cruel words.

Anzu wondered . . . if she could fall. If angels could fall, could she? Could she hide away somewhere where no one would bother her? She got up and closed her blinds tightly and then turned off her lights, letting the kiss of darkness sooth her aching soul.

The wind howled at the window, making her turn to it. She stretched out her arm and flinched. The scar . . .

The scar she had gotten while she was in the World of Memories. She hadn't even realized she had gotten it, but in the end, after Atem left . . . it seemed as though all her pain was amplified, and the wound was now a throbbing pain.

From her left shoulder all the way to the right side of her hips, it spread. She remembered how her mother had panicked. How horrified she and the doctor were when they actually saw it. Where she had gotten it, she couldn't remember.

It was healed now, but she couldn't stretch like she used to. She couldn't do certain dance moves now . . . and those had been the key steps to get her into the collage she wanted.

Her dreams were shattered, not even a possibility anymore all because of . . .

All because of _him_! Why did she go along with him?

'_No, I know why, it's because I thought he could love me. I thought, if I went with him, if I stood by his side, he would see me, he would see my feelings.'_ It was a silly reason, looking back now, she should have known that he would never love her, and yet, and yet she loved him. It was no crush, but she had given her heart on a gold platter to him.

And he didn't give it back to her.

She was trapped. Her heart was somewhere in the afterlife, and she could love no one else now. Oh, she tried, she had tried so hard, but Atem came back to her, as if constricting her, keeping her heart so that she could go to no one else.

Anzu looked up from her pillow to look into crimson eyes. '_No!'_

"Anzu," he whispered softly, his hand circled her throat possessively. "Only me." He whispered into her ear. "_Only me_."

"Let me go." She cried softly.

"Never." His hand clenched and there it was, her heart, beating so painfully.

"Why?" she sobbed. "I was nothing to you in the beginning, why do you keep my heart?"

He leaned forward, a gentle, cruel smile on his lips. "Because, I refuse to give away what was willingly given to me, Anzu. You gave me your heart, and now that I have it, I'm never letting go."

"I gave it to you since the beginning!" she sobbed. "Why can't you give it back? You've kept it long enough."

"No," he said softly. "I don't want to keep it for years, I want to keep it _forever_."

"Forever doesn't last." She snapped.

He smiled and whispered into her ear once more. "The forever I promise, does last forever, Anzu." He stood up straight and disappeared into the shadows, leaving her alone once more.

Covering her face, she sobbed into her arm. "Then why must you make it so painful?"

Thunder and lightning clashed together outside. The rain cooled the hot ground that had been baked by the sun all day, the temperature dropped, but it didn't make a difference to her now.

His curse left her immortal . . . she would be alone until he decided to be reborn again.

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><p>I was in a dark mood when writing this . . . and I had to get rid of it somehow, but writing this only seemed to make it worse... whateves!<p>

Please review!

Germantownmaiden~


	2. One Hundred and Nine Years

So before we get this chapter started, I would like to explain how this will go. Will this continue as a story? It might, and when I say this the only way I would update this is if I've just experienced a really shitty moment and I put all my pain in on paper or computer. I can't promise you guy anything, and I'm sorry about that. So that is why its still "Complete" because I don't know when the next chapter will be, I don't know when I'll update it. The chapters will be like one-shots, they'll end like one-shots and start as one-shots. (Kind of like spaghetti episodes.)

So, I hope you like it, even though it is a rather dark and depressing piece.

Disclaimer, I own nothing.

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><p>Pain<p>

Anzu was sitting on a park bench, watching the world go round. The air was stale with car exhaust and the many mouths of people reaching for some oxygen as they put the carbon dioxide in the air, fouling it even more.

Disgusting.

The human race was disgusting. Some probably knew that, others probably went on with their lives never thinking about the footprint they were leaving behind. Being immortal, learning how to stay clean and being mindful of the world around her as she did things, made her realize just how disgusting some could be.

Being immortal cut her off and made her stand alone on a very different place where no one spoke; no one raised their voice except her because she was the only one there. She hated talking to '_girls her age_' now. Always complaining about how their parents never gave them enough money, always complaining about the rules, complaining, complaining, complaining. It was never ending. Had she sounded like that when she was human? Yes, no doubt about that, she had complained from time to time with her friends.

While the girls complained, Anzu wanted to screamed at them. What she wouldn't give for a parent to tell her what to do, what she wouldn't give to have a few strict rules on her person . . . what she wouldn't give to just sit down and talk to _someone who loved her_. Brats, ungrateful little brats.

They even complained about friends! How could they?! What Anzu wouldn't give to be able to sit down and talk about the latest thing with someone who understood her and her quirky ways, to have a shoulder to cry on when something was really bothering her.

Gods, they complained about food even . . . the human race . . . complains a lot. Why couldn't they understand for just one second that there were other people who had so little, living on trash, bugs even, so hungry they would resort to eating themselves. To the complaining brats their homes were one story or two story houses with no fancy-pants bathroom or a nice soft bed and their parents weren't rich while to someone on the streets, to other people in other countries, the house was a four story home with a fancy bathroom with toilet paper and a bed filled with the most glorious and softest feathers in the world.

Anzu had met a few who understood that, who worked day and night to help the poor, while the rest who worked just for money to get shit did nothing to help others. It made Anzu sick to believe that she was actually once that same complaining girl.

A flock of girls brought Anzu out of her thoughts as she looked up to see one of the biggest brats she'd ever come across. Amber Wooddale, a girl with fake blond hair, blue greenish eyes, and everyday Anzu could see her wearing the best of the best clothes, never wearing the same outfit until next year. Anzu looked back down at the book she was reading, a book called, _Daily Pains_ by a new aspiring author, James Goth. At first she'd thought he'd changed his last name because his real one was embarrassing but she found out later on that Goth was his real name.

The book was about a lonely character who had to go through a very shitty life, his parents did drugs, took his job money to buy more drugs, and once he moved out they were constantly clinging to him, begging for more and more while he tried to move on. But despite being cold, he would give them the money in the end because, "_They were the only parents I had, and despite all the shit they put me through, at least they loved me to some extent._" It was a book she could connect to on a level no one would probably ever understand. The book, though droll, shitty and somewhat disturbing, was a very good book and it made Anzu do something she hadn't done in some time. It made her smile. Strange, yes, how could such a depressing book make her smile? Well, when you've read just about every happy ending you can take, it's nice to read a book that's different, one with no happy ending.

Reality came back as the book was kicked out of her hands and fell to the ground. Anzu looked up to see Amber smirking down at her. "Hey there, Mazaki."

"Wooddale." She responded emotionlessly, no smile, no reaction. She knew what Amber liked.

The girl frowned. "What? No fun today? How boring."

Anzu shrugged and grabbed her book and got off the bench but only to stop when she realized she was surrounded.

Joy.

The book was ripped from her hands and Amber read the front of it. '_I had no idea she could even read._' Anzu thought. "Why the fuck would someone want to read this shit stain of a book? How boring."

What a bored little girl.

Amber smirked. "Feeling depressed, Mazaki? If you want to commit suicide go right ahead, no one will care." She laughed and the girls around her joined in on the clichéd moment Anzu had read again and again, seen again and again.

Anzu sighed drolly. "Don't think I haven't tried to kill myself?"

The laughter stopped abruptly, as some girls looked at her horrified while Amber rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, your skin is fucking perfect, not a fucking mark on it."

So it was about beauty again, eh? Anzu walked forward, blue eyes on fire before she raised her hand and slapped Amber's perfectly done up face. The girl looked at her as if Anzu had grown fifty heads. "How pathetic can you get, you little brat?" she snarled. "You walk around like you own every fucking thing on this planet when you don't. You think you look beautiful yet you walk around like the bitch queen from that snow white movie who would like to suck the beauty out of every pretty girl she sees, you can't stand others who look beauty because it makes you look ugly."

Amber sneered. "I have the most boyfriends!"

Anzu laughed. "Yeah, who fuck you and leave you, then they find this other girl and they stay with her, like Josh and Emily." Amber's cheeks were bright red. "Let's go down fucking memory lane since you feel the need to do so. There was Edmund, but he married Sammy two fucking weeks later after he broke up with you. Man, I bet that hurt." Anzu sneered as Amber started to back down and the girls around her started to giggle a bit. "Hmm, there was also Arrow, man, he was pretty cute, too bad he graduated and married one of your 'friends'." More giggling from the girls. Anzu took her book back and pointed her finger in the bitch's face. "Leave me alone, Wooddale. You don't talk to me, and I won't repeat just how many boyfriends used you before finding the one."

With that battle won, Anzu walked away from the park, its serenity ruined by the brat. Why couldn't people just leave her alone? Why, why, why, why!?

Anzu looked up to find herself in the graveyard. She sighed and knew exactly where to go. Her parents' tombstones, simple things with simple engravings. Loving mother, wife, and sister. Her father, loving father, husband, and brother. Not far off was her friends, Yugi and his wife, Rebecca, Joey and his wife, Mai, Tristan, single as ever along with Duke and Serenity, a little far off with the husband of her choosing.

Anzu flopped down next to Yugi's stone and continued reading. It hurt to be here, to look down upon their stones knowing that six feet under were several bodies of bones, all that remained of her friends while she remained blue-eyed and shoulder length brown hair and a slim womanly body with flawless skin with the exception of her scar, yet at the same time it brought her comfort that they weren't too far away if she needed someone to talk to, someone who understood her.

"Here again, chicky?"

Anzu looked up to see the gravedigger, a man she'd known since the day he started working here when he was only twenty-six years old. Once he had brown hair and a nice face with warm brown eyes that had seen a lot in his young life, but now he stood before her, his brown hair now a frosty white, wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, his body old and stooped. She gave him a bitter smile. "I belong here." She simply said.

He never questioned why she hadn't aged, he never called the police or a group of scientists, he just accepted her, even when he had turned fifty. He snorted and sat next to her, his bones she could practically hear creak with age. "We both do just as all those of the living do."

"Am I alive?" she asked.

"You are, but you're just waiting for someone." She laughed and clutched _Daily Pains_ in her hands, how right he was. They sat in silence, just breathing until he finally asked, "Is it good?" she looked over and blinked. He pointed to the book. "I've seen it in the stores but I haven't seen a review of it yet."

Anzu sighed. "It's a book that speaks to me . . . on many levels. It's about this man who lives a shitty life, all the while trying to aim for something higher. I haven't finished it yet, but for me, it's a good read."

The gravedigger nodded. "How long has it been?"

Anzu blinked and thought back. How long had it been? She hummed as she thought before answering. "Probably like a hundred and nine years . . . when the new year roles around it'll be one hundred and ten years." She said.

The gravedigger snorted. "Must be strange to see the city and how it's changed."

He had no idea, or maybe he did since he was old himself. The city was glowing much brighter, cars were getting better but there were still so much of them, fashions were changing, technology was changing and Kaiba corporations were still going strong since Kaiba had actually had kids of his own. Shocker, yes. What annoyed the fuck out of her was the fact that, yes, he was named after the original, was that Seto knew of her existence since stupid Kaiba had decided to actually find out that she was immortal.

Annoying, utterly so.

"It's time, and it can't be stopped, not by me or anyone else."

The gravedigger nodded. "I have kid, he ran away and he can't go home. I took him in and told him what I did. He's my replacement."

"You want me to watch him?" she asked.

He looked over at her. "If you could, it's always nice to hand a young one over to someone who's much older, who will help him through his problems."

Anzu smiled. "Why do I get the feeling you're just giving me something to do?"

The gravedigger snorted again. "Now why would you think that?"

She laughed, a real one. "Thank you."

The old man paused, as if he was thinking about saying something but unsure of how to say it. "What are friends for?"

Anzu blinked before she smiled. "Funny, you'd think that by becoming friends with a gravedigger, one would think, '_Yay, free grave._' you have the best customer and here I can't die, sucks no?"

The man laughed, it was rusty, as though he hadn't had something to laugh about in a long time. "No, it doesn't suck." He said. "Those who meet you . . . they're not forgotten. When I was younger it was my greatest fear that I would be forgotten at some point, but you . . . I hope you won't forget me."

Anzu smirked. "How can I? You're the first person who accepted me for what I am, immortal, unchanging, and sadly, ever lasting." She sighed and leaned against Yugi's stone. "My life is a pitiful existence." She snorted and together they fell silent once more before she sighed. "Liked my mini speech, kid?" she asked.

The old gravedigger looked over to see a young man looking at her with wide eyes. He had black hair and blue eyes with a slim body. He was handsome in his own right, but she could see that he was a loner, someone who was just like the gravedigger. "James, this is Anzu, she'll be watching over you from now on."

The boy blinked before he nodded. "Is it . . . true? You can't die?"

Anzu sighed and pulled out a knife, held out her wrist and brought the blade down on her skin. James cried out but it fell short as he watched the blood stop, go back into her body and the skin heal, like nothing had ever cut her in her life. He looked at her as though she was some kind of goddess. "Don't wish for my existence, James. It gets old . . . just like everyone else." She said softly.

The boy nodded and sat down next to the gravedigger. They sat there in silence, not talking to one another but comforting each other with each of their presences. Anzu finished _Daily Pains_ and gave it to the old man who started to read it immediately and the boy fiddled with the grass. Her last two friends on this planet.

Anzu cried silent tears, hiding them from the two. '_Damn you, Atem, damn you!_'

"Need a place to sleep tonight?"

Anzu blinked and looked over to the gravedigger and nodded. "Yeah. The trains stop running at this time."

The old man nodded and all three stood up and left. That night, while the two men slept, Anzu slept in her own little room, locked and sealed away to try and stop him . . . but she was being naïve, she would always be naïve when it came to him.

::_You can't hide from me._::

No, she couldn't hide from him, but she would try. Anzu hid under the blankets and started to tremble when she felt a warm hand on her hip. It wasn't the gravediggers, she could hear them snoring.

::_Why try?_::

Because she wanted to build a wall, but each time she attempted to he came back to rip it to pieces and left her naked, exposed before his crimson gaze. "Fuck you." She growled. The hand on her hip clenched and it was gone, only to be replaced by a warm body pressing against her back and warm constricting arms surrounding her. Anzu refused to look at him and his ghostly form. She couldn't hurt him, couldn't touch him even though he could hold her. A hot voice whispered in her ear.

::_There is no running away, not from me._:: she felt his hand curl around her neck.

"Damn you." She growled.

::_You've damned me many times, come up with something more creative._::

"I hate you."

::_No need to be a liar._:: he whispered as his hand reach over and cupped her breast. Anzu closed her eyes and stuffed her face into the pillow to prevent herself from moaning out loud. He pinched her nipple. Anzu's thighs clenched together and she moved to press the front of her body against the bed. She was blushing, he already knew that.

She could feel his body looming above her and once again he whispered. ::_You can try and deny it, but it doesn't change the fact that you love me._:: And he was gone, the room was now growing cold, painfully cold.

Anzu punched her pillow until she fell asleep with one thought, with one truth.

She loved him still and sadly she would always love him. She wouldn't jump into a pool of fucking lava, even though that was the only way to probably kill off her painful existence because she loved him, she would wait for him.

Loving Atem was to love pain, and gods did she love him.

Still.

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><p>As you can see its . . . well its dark. I had to think while in my dark mood how someone after so many years of life would see the world. I put myself in that state of mind, thinking what I would think after only a hundred and nine years of ever-lasting life. I would probably be a very bitter person, books would be boring because there is so much you can write about of something completely new. Girls '<em>your age<em>' would get boring too, including the complaining and its nothing new, we humans, (Not saying everyone) complains about things and I can only image that Anzu, being immortal, has seen so much of it.

So, thank you for reading this rather unexpected update of Pain.

Have a nice day or night!


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